Phlagleblast: A Drag Without the SWAG

America: land of the free...stuff.

Americans love giveaways.  From free shipping and handling to complimentary breakfast, there's no feeling like getting something for nothing.  It just comes natural in the good ol' U.S. of A.

The commodity-crazed culture was in full effect Wednesday afternoon at Sacramento State's 11th Annual Phlagleblast, a celebration almost as ambiguous as its name.  To summarize the confusing affair, it was an event aimed to familiarize students with the layout and functions of the University Union.  The Union houses an array of restaurants, entertainment facilities and offices all at the students' disposal.  I'd assume hosting an open house of the building would be straightforward, considering it purpose is obvious.  But the jungle-themed gathering was a over the top and excessive, without dutifully accomplishing its goal.

As students entered the doors of the building they were given a blank card, mapping out the different participating booths.  Booths were set up throughout the three levels including the game room, women's health services, and even Mellow Me Out, the in-house salon.  Participants who successfully visited the plethora of pit stops and obtained a stamp from the booth's operator were given the chance to turn in their completed card to the Information Desk for a raffle.  The prizes were top of the line: an iPod, Xbox 360, and even a brand new bike.  Seems like enough bait to get frenzied freshmen in the house?

Just to help their odds, organizers stepped up their generosity. 

The coordinators of Phlagleblast employed one of the most common tactics to reel bodies into the door: free stuff, also known as SWAG, stuff we all get.  SWAG is a promotion tool utilized by vendors at conventions and trade shows.  Pens, t-shirts, bumper stickers and coffee cups alike are mementos for consumers to cherish after the festival has finished in hopes to keep the business branded in their mind.  Every time they go to write a check or have a cup of joe, the company name/logo will consciously and subconsciously secure its spot in their brain cells.  This strategy is successful corporate marketing, but what does it have to do with getting to know your college multi-purpose building?

I was there to observe the scene/chaos and had no intention on participating, but I saw the grand prize bike.  Just one day prior my bike and was stolen out of my apartment building and I thought perhaps the stars were aligning.  Plus, I'm American and I like free stuff.

My journey began slowly collecting stamps and awaiting information from each booth's facilitators.  After the first stamp I paused for a moment anticipating some type of spiel explaining the particular section, but no fun facts were thrown my way.  I did, however, receive a pen.  Weird, I thought.  I didn't even have to pretend to listen.  All I had to do was show up and I the free token was mine.

With each stop the SWAG continued to swell.  Eventually my handfuls of lanyards, highlighters and sticky notes were overflowing in my arms, but I received a free laundry bag just in time.  And I wasn't the only swagger; hundreds of students were undergoing the free stuff rush.

"It's like trick or treating!" a girl screamed, running up the stairs.

It was like Halloween, but I felt like I didn't even need a costume for the candy. 

Within 20 minutes my card was completed and turned in for the raffle.  I continued on to class trying to shove a gallon of SWAG in my backpack while deciphering what exactly had occurred.  I came, walked around, and got some enough pens to last the rest of the semester. 

Did I learn anything?  Besides the location of the elevators, not much.  Really though, Phlagleblast was just like a pack of hyenas going stir-crazy over the endless amount of dead gazelle carcasses.  Or a bunch of feral college students fervent for freebies.